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2003-11-10 - 7:07 a.m. anyways, i was examining the toaster this morning, and was reminded of a phase i went through around 12 years old that i don't want to forget about. i think that it all started with a 20/20 episode about the bacterial breeding grounds that are our household kitchens. i was already prone towards ocb's in regards to cleanliness, and this just tipped me over the edge. i would bleach the cutting boards regularly, scrape around the edges of the sink with a knife to unlodge all the 'gunk' that was probably just adhesive, i'd clean the toaster obsessively and bleach the sink and counters. and then i started thinking about the silverware i ate on. the idea of sharing silverware with so many mouths just wouldn't do at all. i started feeling uneasy about eating anything that required me to eat off the spoon, and dip, and then eat off the spoon again. i.e. cereal, ice cream. i started scraping the crevices between the spears on my fork with a knife because i didn't think that the dishwasher was able to clean this area thouroughly enough. i would supervise my mother's meat preperation and clean up after her. reprimand her even, if i thought she wasn't meeting 20/20 standards. why didn't my parents ever talk to me about this? i probably drove them crazy. i'm glad that i was reminded of this. this diary is handy. i'm noticing a pattern where i crave all sweet one day, and then all salty the next. why do i have to do everything in excess? i was fishin' for a father.
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