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Hollow-Holler

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2004-02-10 - 10:51 p.m.

I played the piano until my fingers screamed, today. I dug through the bench, unearthing all the tunes I used to play. I was reminded of my Andrew Lloyd Webber Phase in the 5th grade when I found my old EVITA song and piano book. I played a song called "good for you", and noted the lyrics: 'I'm not talking of a hurried night, a frantic tumble and a shy good night, creeping home before it gets too light, that's not the reason that I caught your eye', and recalled how I had sung and played that song for the school talent show, completely unaware of the sexual undertones. I wonder what all the adults thought of me, then? I hope they thought I was a scandalous little troll.

There were three boys posing for photographs on the train tracks outside my window today. One was clutching a guitar to his chest, so methinks they were posing for Serious Band Photographs.

I cannot wait to move. Everything about my situation is annoying me. I am in a near-constant state of irritation, except when I am totally alone. I know that i'll regret the way that I am treating my family these days, but I don't know how to alter our interactions. My mother, I swear! How did I ever live with her for 18 years straight? She's a dream in small doses, believe me. But up in my grill one half the day is unbearable! She's always gasping, hand to chest, when she hears or sees something slightly worth noting. This is a sound that is reserved for serious shit, in my brains, so every time I hear it, my heart flutters, and I think "oh, no! what the hell is up?!".

and there is my mother following her gasp with: "Did you see the Dilbert strip today?" or something equally menial. Ack. Ack. I'll die an early death I swear, woman!

Kodee has always been cozy with the idea of vegetarianism. He would tell me when he was much younger that "hey Rachie, I am a vegetarian, except I eat jerky and ham!" and I always saw this as a little boy's way of relating to his Aunt. But my heart breaks for him, as now he is wanting to cut meat completely from his diet, but his father won't allow it. From accounts of my sister, picture this:

Kodee is picking the chicken out of his casserole. Justin sees the offending pile and tells him he has to eat it. Kodee protests, but Justin starts yelling that he has to, no questions. And then imagine Kodee choking down the bits of flesh that his sensitive little boy heart recognizes as something that was once alive, and cute, through teary eyes. Lindsey said that as he swallowed, it looked like he was fighting his gag reflex to keep it down. Oh, Kodee. My sister would be more than happy to accomodate this decision, as she herself eats very little animal, but she said that Justin would have a fit if she stopped preparing meat. Oh, I could just kill the man. I mean seriously. My sister has recognized that protest does nothing, and she'll do anything to maintain 'peace' in the household. fucking wretched dictator of a man.

grumble goes my thumbles.