Blood Musk

2004-02-22 - 12:29 p.m.

Have discovered this weekend the secret to staving off the cravings for all of the baked goods I am surrounded by. Ghiradelli Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips, which according to the label are moral. The bag is almost gone, which isn't healthy, or even admirable, but I have been surrounded by many baked goods as of late. Many, many.

In my bathroom, there is one mirror above a floating counter lip, and on the door directly behind is a full length. After I got out of the shower last evening, and as I was going through the nightly rituals, I glanced behind me, and caught a full long view of myself from the back, and was struck with sorrow. Is this really the vessel that I have always regarded in varying shades of disgust and degradation? Because what I was seeing was lovely. It was like we had seperated ourselves, my body and I, and I was struck with a clarity. I am healthy, and strong, and I hope this is not a fleeting recognition.

I took advantage of my temporary enlightenment last night and thought about Rachel, how it seems that she is always swimming in admirer waters up to her chin. The fellas fawn, and she thrives. It is not so for me, and while sometimes this fact makes me a bit forlorn, I've never felt a twinge that I could identify as jealousy. One thing that i've always appreciated about myself is my inability to harbor jealousy towards the people that I love. While digging deep in this thought, I realized that it is a truth, and not just something I tell myself to feel worthwhile. I truly want the people I love to have everything good served to them on a gilded platter, and should anybody begrudge them of this, myself included, so help me. As you can imagine, this has made me feel real nice.

cocoa butter cure all: on your body, in your foods.