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Hollow-Holler

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2004-06-29 - 1:57 p.m.

I'm sick of caring. I want to be like this weird steel sculpture I am looking at right now. Disinterested, unmoved, impassive, and most vital: fucking heartless as a hearthstone. And I don't want my face anymore, i'm sick as tb of these dumb old eyes and fat cheeks, and this hair that I honestly have no clue how to handle or improve upon. I'm out! I don't want to hold any stocks in these impossibly impossible run arounds. Why would I? I took a test today that said my AVOIDANCE factor is HIGH. The good news is that I am not very paranoid.

My self-esteem has never hit such lows as these, even when in the past I have wanted to drop dead, it was not because I hated this person I am, it was because something was too painful to embrace. Not to say that what I am feeling now is self-loathing, but whatever fancies i've ever had of specialness, are all gone and pulverized. I am nothing, even so, I very much miss Rebecca in her absence.

Make mine swift and sweet.