# your skin starts paling

# you realize you've lost touch with what is tasteful

# you burn your car heater in your face just so that you can feel something in an extreme

Things like that.

I thought that Seattle was pretty beautiful today, though. That city has a lot to offer somebody. Probably never me, but somebody with a taste for stuff that isn't shitty.

Not that i've ever been much of a future thinker, as in: "How is what I'm doing right now going to effect me in 5 years?" but lately even less so. Not even thinking intuitively about how the present is going to effect me five minutes from that second. I get a feeling of, "What I'm feeling right now is going to be my life forever." Which is a dangerous way to think, not to mention disheartening. If you don't see an end to it, it just seems too reasonable to give up your ghost.