2004-10-17 - 8:48 p.m.
Everything but apples are like poison to me today.
It's become increasingly difficult to keep food comfortably inside of me, and I can't really describe how awful it feels to know what i've done. I've never given much credit to the idea of a balanced diet, but I decided today that I would like to give it a go. But this would mean no soft drink, which; it is hard to explain the relationship that I have with soda, but it is such that the idea of turning my back on it makes my heart cold and leaves me feeling hopeless. I mean that in sincerity. Elijah and I talked about this last night, how it's just that it is practically the life blood that binds us. We weren't the kind of family that had it stocked in our refrigerator. We never, ever had it in the house, because it was the jaunt to get the soda that was important. It is a special thing when your mom wakes you up on a Saturday at 11 and says "Do you want to get a coke?" And then you get a coke. It was the kids nightly excursion to go and get soda's, and you are together, enjoying one another's company, getting soda. I am now practically incapable of doing some things without one at my disposal. It has become something so displaced from the concept of refreshment, it is just not that to me anymore. But I do know that it is a destructive thing at the level that I consume. I don't want to ever stop drinking it, but I also don't want bones that are porous like sponges. Oh, why?
Outside of Whole Food there was a dog with eyes that were really intensely human. Then, there was another dog who was thrashing around so that he could gnaw on the leash that he was being walked on. It made me recall what Owen said comparing dogs to cats. One is like a retarded child, the other is like a roommate. I am sorry, but I will always choose the retarded child.
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