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Hollow-Holler

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2004-11-19 - 12:55 p.m.

I am going to rearrange my room today.
It would make sense to move the nicer mattress that I have as my closet bed out into my bedroom, since I don't sleep in my closet anymore. But I like the idea of that whole spread remaining intact as a monument to a most devastating bout of depression. Complete with the funeral announcement I tacked directly above it, emblazoned with 'May they rest in Peace.' Sweet darkness from below, at the time I really felt like the card could help me sleep.
And while I'm on that, I was not long ago called out on being superstitious, and I have been thinking about it a lot. I s'pose I am.
Not to the degree that I might avoid a black cat, or toss salt over my shoulder, but definitely in the symbolic sense. I am very invested in objects. The force when I was a girl, that drove me to bury significant items in the garden will probably never go away, and I think that this is OK.
Because if it is anything, it isn't that I acknowledge the object to have an otherworldly self-sustaining power; I acknowledge my own tremendous ability to mould that object to my desires. It is no difficult task to convince myself that I will be safe while I drive, if I just leave the jar of grape juice my mother made in the car with me. It will work, because I am in control, but I need that concrete amulet as a base from which to work with.
Anyways, I'm going to do my room.

Charlie's collar 'bove my window keeps the rapists out.