December 05, 2005 - 8:55
Lately I haven't been denying myself of any consumptive tendencies, really. I mean the ones that are issues that I am aware of, that I see a real need to stifle. I'm probably spoiling inside a little.
I can't decide, but I think it's for the best that I'm not distracting myself with thrift shops, and public places. Let's see what happens when me and ennui are locked in a house together for 3 months. Nothing too exciting, I imagine. Maybe a quiet decision to take up a career in garment-mending.
When I think of the things that I care for, or the places I re-visit, I realize that the most that I expect anything to offer me is solace. And it's not a matter of aiming low; finding solace has a permanence to me that happiness doesn't seem to have.
It's not even until I think about it that I can really tell the two states apart.