Blood Musk

January 20, 2006 - 1:04

Last night, Krystal and I auditioned for a public service announcement. The topic: domestic abuse. I was really nervous, because I'd never done anything like that before. Well, once as a child, I went to the local news station, and let them tape me eating a baked potato for a fun-run advertisement. But that hardly counts.
When we got to the hotel room where the casting call was being held, they took Polaroids of us, for the auditioner to review:

Ms. Krystal South

Mrs. Jensen

After that, we waited to hear our names called, which was agonizing. We sat in a row of white plaztek IKEA chairs, listening to the other auditioners wax grandiose on their experiences in local theatre, and car commercials. I felt very much like they were trying to psyche us out, as it was clear that we were not as experienced as they in the world of local casting calls. One man looked aggressively towards me, and stated that I looked familiar. When I appeared baffled, he said haughtily:
"Well, maybe you've seen me in my play... you ever heard of the Charlotte's Web Children's Theatre?"
Man, I'm doing that shit in my living room, by myself. Get over it.
But finally, our names were called.
"Rachael and Krystal?" Yes.
We were escorted into an adjacent hotel room, where there was nothing save a mound of bubble wrap. We were promptly instructed:
"Rachael, your character is scared. She's been involved in an abusive relationship for 10 years, and has taken, in fear, to wrapping her body in bubble wrap before she's able to sleep beside her abusive mate."
"OK."
"Now, Krystal. You're tortured. You love your wife, but you don't know how to stop hitting her. It helps you sleep, and secretly you believe she thrives on the negative attention."
"Cool."
"I want you to isolate this dynamic, by simply interacting with each other in these theoretical characters. So, assume positions."
Krystal and I struggled with the juxtaposition of the wrap, and wondered what this auditioner wanted from us, exactly. What came most intuitively apparently, was for Krystal to struggle with me as I attempted to wrap my person up. As we grappled awkwardly with the wrap, Krystal said:
"I won't hit you, if you don't wrap yourself tonight."
"How, you know I can't sleep without it...and I think you'll hit me either way."
"Yeah. I might."
We both paused and looked at the man, apprehensively.

Is this what he wanted?

No, he was clearly unimpressed. In haste, Krystal acted to hit me, but was unable to keep straight-faced.

I tried to look abused, but all that ended up happening was double-chin.
The man cleared his throat, and it was apparent he felt his time wasting. Krystal and I shared a weary glance, and like the moment you realize you're no longer drunk, we felt a concurrent void where the initial motivation that had brought us here in the first place, (love of the public), used to be. We politely excused ourselves, and I heard the man sighing at our backs as we exited.
So. In stride, we're trying out for Charlotte's Web Children's Theatre next week.

I hope we kill it.