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Hollow-Holler
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May 22, 2006 - 3:21
I've been extreme shirking the past few weeks at my job. I discover that it's much more tedious for me to avoid work than it is to do it, so as it happens, everybody gets hurt in this scenario. Sometimes i'll imagine hidden cameras, to motivate myself. But it's not working for me today. Straight up, neglecting my duties.
Also, I've spent too much money lately. Dresses, thai food that I don't eat, sandals, kick pedals, kitchen table (though I do not begrudge this purchase, as it's a true necessity).
I spent most of yesterday with Krystal, staining the aforementioned table chestnut lusterous. 
While the stain dried, I got pretty decent at Guitar Hero, until the game froze during "Smoke on the Water". I could feel the judgement of the simulated audience as I strummed my impotent digi-guitar to no avail, so I bailed to put another clear-coat on. All the while Scott was assembling their new barbeque, which we later fired up for the first grill of the season. I commented to Scott that now, he's a true man. With a house, car, lady friend, grill, a dog.. Scott said: "and drinking problem..." 
Night before that, I was playing a toy piano that was sitting on the top of a pump organ that Matt was playing. It sounded nice enough to try again sometime. I had incurable hiccups that were destroying my credibility as a sober person. Brenna and I hula-hooped for a period of time, and all of the sudden I am this amazing hula-hooper. I don't know how it is that I am sometimes made more coordinated and graceful by the addition of abused substance into my system; I guess that it's because my chemically collected self over-thinks and agonizes it's movements.
I guess this has been even more true lately, since the day I realized that I may have been breathing incorrectly. I'll wonder sometimes if I do everything subtly, but fundamentally wrong. "Should I lift my feet more when I walk?... is that why my legs feel stiff?...is my core directing my limbs to make heavy movement, why are my movements heavy?...I wonder if everybody holds their tongue against their teeth like this...I think maybe I hold my sitting-head at a strange angle in relation to my neck.." Real thoughts, psyching me out. Anyhow, I leave you with this 8th grade portrait.
This was the year that everybody called me Tommy, from the TV program "3rd Rock from the Sun."
They also called me "Negative".
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