Blood Musk

June 21, 2006 - 2:09

There's virtually no work for me to do. Getting laid off is what I fantasize about, but it seems to come in waves when things are as poorly planned as they are around here. Oh, yes. SK just told me that I should be prepared for a "tsunami" of loss control. Isn't it weird that I typed "wave" and she sent me an e-mail with "tsunami"? Well, I think it is.
Ever since the long distance IT guy logged into my computer as a user along with me, and saw what I did as I did it, I am ever-suspicious that somebody is watching my screen. He's sitting there, not moving his mouse, watching me type this entry. Judging me.

Dear IT guy,

Today I've been thinking about porn. Last night I dreamt that I was freckled in complexion, and the world loved me sexually because I posed nude. Yesterday, for the first time I recognized what part of your brain would have to bow to allow yourself into the world of sex industry. Gritty.
As I grow older (I'm 22 now), any arguments I've made re: the malovelence of pornography in general, seem like self-deception; as I've realized that it only bothers me when I feel personally threatened by it. Therefore, nulling all righteous intent. As I become inevitably more "adult"(read:apathetic?), I find it less in my nature to defend or save the honor of other self-governing adults. You know?

Sincerely,

Rachael Jensen, Portland branch loc.