Photobucket

Hollow-Holler

contact me older entries newest entry

September 21, 2006 - 12:32

For the past three days, I've sat next to the same girl at lunch, and hated her for no reason other than the way she crunches her vegetable like a horse but slowly, as if certainly it must be less audible that way. I moved away from her today, down to the lower mezzanine, not caring whether she took offense. I was knitting something small and olive green when a wall-eyed male snorted in passing "now that's a lost art.." In response I could only politely smile, as opposed to the other day on the bus, when I responded to the same comment with "actually, it's had a major revival in the last 5 years."
Loss of short term memory, loss of hair, loss of generosity, loss of inspiration.
I was reading an interview this morning, wherein Charlotte Gainsbourg said something to the effect of "I have no imagination. When I play the piano I can't improvise. Whatever I'm doing, I have to be told what to do." And as I relate to an extent, I thought oh, maybe it's imagination that I lack. I wouldn't have guessed it, as I generally blame it on lack of confidence. And it's not that I haven't got imagination, I think it's that I still operate on the brand of imagination that my childhood bred, and it's not cutting it in my attempts at an adult life.
I had a sort of split second crisis yesterday, where I mentally squalled at myself "I guess what you have to do is read more!" really frantic-like, and I said "Read what?" and in response I thought decidely "science fiction." Harebrained advice from an admittedly shady source, but what if it's exactly what I need. I'll never know, as I'm far too opposed to the idea.
I've been "short timing" all week, as I only have a month left at my place of employment. My version of short time doesn't actually allow for me to show up late and leave early, but it does include not acknowleding the formality of the bra, which is nice. For me.
Started my blood bath a record 2 weeks early this month, and I don't expect it to stop until the beginning of October, if recent past experiences have taught me anything about early cycles. Which is not nice.

For me.