Blood Musk

October 26, 2006 - 10:56

This is where I want to go for my birthday, which is 2 months away, but I find myself dwelling on today. I wanted to go to the outdoor Warm Springs, but it closed, which is a devastation that I can't explain without a bit of background info. But I have a memory of going to an indoor hot spring as a young person that was coated with the most intense moss-slime on the sides. It repelled me initially, but then began to feel perversely satisfying the more you mashed your feet into it. It also had a Native American themed mural on the wall. Maybe, hopefully, it was Givens.
And I shouldn't set myself up for crestfall, but I'm looking with hopeful anticipation towards two weeks in Idaho, as it's the only potential for relief I've got lined up at the moment. I don't trust anyone but Kris or Lindsey lately.
I'm realizing as this job draws to a close (tomorrow), that I rely very heavily on it for escapist purposes, and though ultimately it's the only thing I can do to preserve myself, there's going to be a bit of hell to pay on my end when the reality of joblessness sets in. There's an illusion of getting things done as I sit here at my desk. There's no pressure to make better use of my time, because I can't. There is somebody who won't allow me to leave, telling me more or less exactly what to do.

M C C, a fairly decent entity, 9/05-11/06

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