January 21, 2007 - 2:15
The night before that, was a tour related nightmare, where I couldn't find the cash box, and kept losing the whereabouts of the Dead Science, who I was supposed to keep track of.
Other than that, and the raging hormonal fluxes I've been experiencing the last 2 weeks, I feel pretty good.
When I was at home, my Dad told me that I'm going to heaven, based on what he knows about me, and based on what he knows about heaven. And it sounds ridiculous, really ridiculous, but it's been a retarded source of comfort.
The other day Zac and I were discussing the old "what if you had 2 weeks to live?" scenario. And certifiably, without hesitation, I can state that I would spend those two weeks with my family, and spend my last dollars on paying debts, or gifts for them, or possibly my funereal arrangements. I don't understand most 2 weeks to live answers. If you know you're dying, what does it matter what you do? It won't have any long term effects, and it would all be tinged with a sort of dread for me. My priorites would be attuned with what the people I leave behind are concerned with. Also, I think I want my death to have some religious ceremony involved, blessings etc.., which my parents can offer I think. Zac's answer, by the way, was to do a bunch of drugs in Europe, by himself.
Last night I partied. I had a sort of psychosis about my hip the entire time. I kept thinking, my hip is going to pop out. It's going to pop out. And then I kept referring to the image of a deer's haunch being ripped from it's body, and then I thought more about how my hip was going to fall out.
And everything was funny.