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Hollow-Holler

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February 25, 2007 - 2:24

I take a bath where I am oblivious to my unholy parts. Sobbing words like my puppy, my puppy. I pray like a wet dervish, contorting in agony poses, and I feel guilty for the pleasure I derive from the sensation of tears commingling with water on my face.
I've come to find that I will pray in these circumstances, without reservation. I've recently entertained the notion that it's in good part my fault, because I turned my back. Is this god using him as an impetus, because he knows it's the only thing that stirs such desperation in me? I think that is egomaniacal in fact, but at the same time it could be me that keeps him here I wouldn't know. I told god that I can't do everything, but I will do anything if he just let me know what it is.

And over and over again I said that.