October 23, 2008 - 1:31
It's been 6 months, which is when you're supposed to know whether or not it's working. Well,
On one hand, I worry much less about uncontrollable elements.
On the other, I don't feel like, or endeared to, myself; and if I forget to dose at the right time, (which is occurring semi-regularly in my current nomadic life), I am blindly agitated and feel like I've fallen to flu + electric shocks.
I realized this morning that if I don't take both of my prescriptions on time, it will lead to 1. explosive blood syndrome, and 2. explosive confused emotion. I'm too clumsy to walk that line, as well, i've lost my reason for taking both of them. I think of quitting cold turkey in January.
Last night I dreamt that I was born into a cannibalistic commune. I privately refused to eat human meat though, hiding all of the scraps in a hole that I had dug in my wrist. The human meat assimilated into my own body from there, except for once, when I was too full and my wrist vomited.
Several of my dreams this week have found me in suddenly threatening situations. Waking up in a new, ominous environment and trying for the duration of the episode to find a way out. But often, the scenery is very beautiful- a coral reef and a clear cove, an ancient chapel (this is where the commune ate), a birch tree grove, an underground garden.
Simple. Even awake I don't know how I got here; but I'm not unfamiliar with this reissued style of desperation. When you dream of your stuffed man, you call him by his name there, you dress him in his clothes.
During the day he's called Pim.