December 12, 2009 - 1:42
Zac told me to make sure to never forgot her voice, and everyday I try. I hear her chronic throat clearing first, coming from low in the esophagus. The timbre of it reached almost every room, and now I can imagine it's the heartbeat in a womb, a hovering sign of the life who cares for you. I always liked to hear it, I didn't like it when she left.
Anyhow,
I used to think that people who felt lonely were weak; well I still do, but I don't think I'd ever experienced it before now. And it does make me feel weak, but more able to understand why people must go steady. She, and my previously intact family unit, offered me a peripheral security that I took for granted. It makes sense that somebody would seek that if they didn't already have it.
And so another book is shelved in my library of selective empathy.