Blood Musk

January 13, 2010 - 8:33

She just leaves, and I don't know where she's gone. Strange men parade through the house in her confused absence, some taking up residence. All of them try to intimidate me, refusing to dress- three of them leaving dismembered animals in the bathroom, one of them trying to flush it (a plucked chicken) down the toilet, flooding the entire first floor.
This particular one begins to stalk me, threatening to kill me on a daily basis. I am terrified.
Every day I try to call her, but she doesn't answer.
I escape my home at night to find her; after attempting to seduce my stalker/mental captor, and him telling me that I am nothing but a child, shaking me, but releasing me.
I do find her, at a lookout point at the top of a very long flight of wooden stairs, moss overgrown and slippery, obscured in fog. She refuses to speak to me, but I intuit that those men were hired, by her, or my father, to kill me.
I shake her and hug her, violently, and demand that she take it back. I yell, over and over, "you are my mother." But she is gone, won't speak or look at me.
I awoke feeling sick with loneliness and created betrayal,

actual nausea.