November 08, 2012 - 4:52
I saw Barb, she was with my sister's children in the garage. I hugged her, I wanted comfort, but she didn't want to hug me back. I had split awareness of events that had really occurred in contrast to events in the dream. Barb called you Rebecca at mom's funeral, she doesn't like you, I thought. I went and hung out in her neighbor's yard, a place I have real memory of loitering in my baby days. I didn't know where else to go.
I begin to have to have an orgasm. It's not convenient or even mentally desired, but my body was going to have it. I go to the car where I adjust the steering wheel (I drive a classic car) and prepare to exact the compulsory one touch and spasm of the orgasms I have in dreams, which are real, but there is no real touching except perhaps sometimes in the last few seconds. Noah comes to the car to offer me a shirt he would like me to repair. I take the shirt, tell him to leave me alone, he goes, but I have to go somewhere where I can't be disturbed. I go to a bedroom off the garage. I lock it. It's filled with uriney light, and the windows are covered with sheets. I sit on the edge of the bed, touch myself once under my skirt, and have an immensely painful and overwhelming spasm, crumpling of the body and I bend over towards the ground. I have had an orgasm, but I didn't want it. My body hurt. I think I had been raped before I started remembering the dream. I cried. My Mother was somewhere around, but I couldn't see her. Has made me sad(der). Who Cares. I do.