we watched home videos tonight at my grandma's house. memories from the year 1987-summer, and winter.

i saw myself at three years old crawling around on the cement, hair halfway down my back hiding under the picnic table, digging in the potting soil. chipmunk dirty face with two huge dimples. boy, i was cute. on three different occasions over the course of this video tape, my grandma asks me to sing a song for her and every time i refuse, either by ignoring her, or rolling around on the ground. nothing has changed. she'll never stop asking me to perform. i get a purple training bike for christmas. i get my beloved stuffed dog speck, named after the little guy in pee wee's big adventure. i do bobbing races with brad in a swimming pool wearing the swimsuit that my mom sewed for me.

elijah was goaded into dancing the pee-wee herman bar dance. we see his imprompteu dance by the christmas tree, really trance-like and spastic. he gets a fancy pants race car set. he always seems ready to jet around.

lindsey, has not changed. she is just so sweet and beautiful at eight years old. she bakes cookies and makes people gifts. she smiles at everybody, she has curled hair and skinny, skinny limbs. she gets a grey and turqouise boombox and a poster of kirk cameron. she gets third place in a race across the pool. she says when asked what she wants for christmas 'oh, just everything i see. that's all.' with sweet sincerity.

jeremy is not seen much. he always seems to be avoiding the camera. he gets a casio keyboard, and freaks out occasionally on it. his little ditties are the soundtrack for christmas '87 home video. he plays the air drums to the beat.

noah's not born yet.

brad is probably a boy who would have been diagnosed with adhd these days. he's constantly jumping in front of the camera and dressing up like mr. t with loads of costume jewelry and saying 'i pity the fool!' he and scott do a choreographed dance to new edition, and auntie kim joins in. she knows it too! he is so cute. he must have been five, i guess. he opens a gift in the middle of the floor and admist the casio playing and the other various chatterings you hear, 'WOLLEW SKATES!!!!!!' and brad is freaking out on the box, looking ready to shoot through the roof.

auntie kim and uncle stan are the love birds. my mom whistles and looks cute with tight jeans on, my dad is always in the background loooking aloof and handsome. mom got a denim jacket and a microwave. grandma got some ugly jewelry.

why don't we take home videoes anymore?

why isn't christmas as fun as it used to be?

i feel so homesick for my childhood. i like where i'm at alright, i guess. but give me back the summer and christmas of 1987, and i'll kiss you on the mouth.