Christmas was totally insane. We usually open our gifts systematically, and it's tame and slow. Who decided we should do it differently? I like to watch everybody open their gift and enjoy.

I got a new cd player for my car, because my mom didn't know that I had mine repaired a while ago. I got a portable jogger. I got a new yoga mat. I got a sweater and some pants. I got new sewing scissors that are razor sharp. I got a big Edward Gorey collection. I got a red down comforter, and some new pink flannel pajama pants. My mom thought it would be funny to buy me an Orlando Bloom poster for my stocking. I don't know what to do with it, so I put it up in my parent's entryway where it still hangs. Scores, all around.

My mom and I talked this afternoon about how awful my body image is because of some of the things that she says, without thinking. It resulted in her just throwing her arms up and saying, 'I guess I'm a bad mom, then.' What can I say, because of course she knows that she's not. But, she also needs to know that her words hold more weight than any other human's do, and when she says things like 'I really think that your face has gotten rounder, your chin used to be pointed when you'd smile in pictures.' or 'Oh, what is this, a little back fat?' while she pinches my side really sticks to me. It's too hard to stuggle with a body image that you realize is distorted in moments of sanity, only to feel your suspicions confirmed in reality by your mother. Oh, Krismom. Would you love me if I gained 15 pounds? Of course you would. This body is not a thing I want to preoccupy my thoughts, however. That's your thing, not mine.

Do you want to go jogging, Rachael?

It's not a BAD thing if you go for a day or two without eating!

He thinks you're skinny?! You're kidding.

When the day comes that I look in the mirrror and am truly to the core and not just delusionally repulsed by what I see, I will have trouble not holding you more than partially responsible.

I will still always believe that you have my best interest in mind however, but my interests aren't the same as yours. Love,

Rachael