2005-04-28 - 1:09 a.m.
I have been sick with a cold or something.
Today a boy I work with said to me:
"I know you feel like you have a lot of work to do, but you really shouldn't be here. You are very sick."
I was preparing tea, and without looking up at him, I said:
"It's just that, I woke up to a dream where I was getting fired last night. And it's just like, it freaks me out when I'm not at work. I revert back to my high school state of being afraid to leave a table because I knew they would gossip about me. It's like that. I feel like if I'm not at work, something is going to go down."
It was immediate regret that followed, and I walked away without looking at him. And then, I e-mailed him to say that I'm sorry for always saying weirdly personally revealing things to him. Because I really, really do. For whatever reason, I cannot filter what I say to this particular coworker.
He asked me the other day, why I peel the label off of my bottled drinks, and without hesitation I told him that it was because I feel like my weaknesses are on display when people see me drinking a diet soda. I don't even look at his face, I just say it to whatever I happen to be looking at, like he is not really there.
The even more curious part about my interactions with this dude, is that I am saying things that I have never even acknowledged to myself, but they are totally true! I am able to voice my unadulterated behavioral theories, to this unassuming figure in my life. It's pretty cool, but afterward I feel bad for making him uncomfortable, which I'm sure I do.
You just got to stop asking me questions, bro.