January 03, 2011 - 3:00
Brain, heart, bowels, all feel clenched small within my frame. Not shriveled, but cowering.
A fleeting heart bleat for my father who broke it, broke it again. No emotion for a brother who has left me no other option. 3 fallen and the rest in states of falling apart. And I know everything had to settle. Around me, without me, and not always well. I just don't know where to go.
But on a more lively tip, this evening I learned that Lily goes to "steak land" when she can't sleep. A land made entirely of steak which she imagines consuming until she falls asleep. And "Only the best steak".
Unable to sleep I try to imagine my version of steak land.
It can only be the breastbone of one boy.