January 17, 2012 - 12:55
I will administer a series of "calming" breaths in and out through the nose, but this somehow makes the situation wilder. My stomach gets tighter and my nasal breaths quickly become erratic. I feel like my rib cage is encased in armor, so that there is no chance of breathing in & out, but only up & down; and then there is this "blockage" in between the breath and me. It feels almost tangible, a coagulation of the sensations of insistent hunger and blind anger lodged in my praecordia.
After a day of almost no deep breaths, I experienced a fit like a fish out of water. Lying on my back in bed, after attempting several methods of breathing, I bucked spontaneously in a set of very brisk and barbaric "sit-ups", my head bouncing roughly upon the pillow at landing (a particular action that I have always found soothing). This worked for some reason, momentarily.
In my glory days as an insured, the Dr. prescribed only inhalers, but I quickly realized I am not asthmatic, and there's no inflammation to soothe. Booze (beer specifically) is the only thing that really seems to help this "condition", which I have been experiencing off and on for over 5 years; but this is not a healthy long term solution.
I am like the dumbest baby on the planet, because even the second dumbest baby knows how to intake air into its lungs. This is unacceptable.
No, you are.