Photobucket

Hollow-Holler

contact me older entries newest entry

January 18, 2006 - 9:54

Oh yeah, I passed out for the first time in my life the other night. I had to bend over, breathe in and out deeply 4 times, and was grabbed by the throat. I blacked, and my right arm tingled. Then I fell over. Down on the ground I was told that I was laughing, but I thought I was sobbing. And there was definitely tear in my eyes. DOCUMENTATION.
I am like ancient man, who without refrigerators, saw no longevity in sight. Only what they would eat that day, and I live paycheck to paycheck.
Or maybe, what I have is warden to death row inmate relationship with myself. With the mentality that actions towards "long-terms" are hollow, I seek to comfort myself immediately and simply. And I give myself the comforts frankly, with the purpose of solace in mind.
I would admonish this mentality in somebody that I cared for, it's demobilizing, and not okay. But I'm flush with the idea that once I die it won't matter what I did, as long as I don't bring any successors into the mix. I'm just lazy, is what it is. So lazy that I will work industriously, without purpose, rather than take steps towards realizing aspirations that seem dubious to me.

Anyways.